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gingerbatch-addict:

salaamender:

Sometimes I think to myself, “do I really want to buy another chocolate bar?”
And then I remember that there is a super volcano under Yellowstone that is 40,000 years overdue and when it erupts it could potentially cover most of north America in ash and create a volcanic winter that kills half the worlds population
And I’m like, fuck yeah I want that chocolate bar

This is one of the most inspiring posts i’ve ever seen

the-best-text-posts

My cousin ordered a pizza for her and her little brother and it's actually the funniest story i've ever heard in my life. In her own words, this is what happened:

  • Cousin: so, the pizza guy got here, and he was REALLY REALLY HOT and had a REALLY ATTRACTIVE VOICE
  • Cousin: and he was like "your total is $16.38"
  • Cousin: and I handed him a $20 and he was like "how much change do you want"
  • Cousin: and I
  • Cousin: just
  • Cousin: stared
  • Cousin: at him
  • Cousin: for like 20 seconds
  • Cousin: and he was like "how much change do you want?"
  • Cousin: (IT GOES DOWN HILL. THIS IS NOT THE EMBARRASSING THING YET.)
  • Cousin: and I'm like "$2? [awkwardly long pause] $1? ...... NONE"
  • Cousin: NO CHANGE
  • Cousin: AND I LITERALLY GRABBED THE PIZZA
  • Cousin: AND SLAMMED THE DOOR
  • Cousin: (STILL GETTING WORSE, DON'T WORRY)
  • Cousin: ONCE THE DOOR HAS BEEN SLAMMED I REALIZE
  • Cousin: THE PIZZA
  • Cousin: IS
  • Cousin: STILL
  • Cousin: IN
  • Cousin: THE
  • Cousin: FUCKING
  • Cousin: CARRYING BAG
  • Cousin: AND FROM THE PORCH HE'S LIKE "um i need that back"
  • Cousin: AND I'M LIKE SHIT MAN
  • Cousin: AND I HAD TO OPEN THE DOOR
  • Cousin: AND WAIT FOR HIM TO PULL THE PIZZAS OUT
  • Cousin: AND HE'S JUST STARING AT ME
  • Cousin: AND I'M DYING
  • Cousin: AND IT TOOK LIKE A WHOLE 30 SECONDS
  • Cousin: AND MY BROTHER COMES UP AND HE IS LIKE
  • Cousin: SHE IS FLUSTERED CUZ SHE THINKS YOU'RE CUTE
  • Cousin: AND I DECIDE THAT CLEARLY I NEED TO PUSH HIM BY HIS FACE
  • Cousin: WHICH ONLY MAKES EVERYTHING WORSE
  • Cousin: AND THAT IS WHY I CAN NEVER EVER EVER ORDER DOMINOS EVER AGAIN FOREVER